Part 2: The Right Focus

Thank you for coming back... I would like to say a big thank you to those who sent me messages since my last posting, I heard some touching stories about how people related to my post and how it has added positively to their lives, this is the very reason why I am writing the blog and hope that in some small way I am able to make a difference. 


Recognising my error:  In my previous post I talked about recognising your true wants and most importantly the feelings you desire, I want to expand on this in this post as I feel that understanding your feelings and emotions in order to use them in a positive way is the fundamental key to an enriched and happy life.  I have been lucky in my life to have a very supportive and loving family, regardless of what I have chosen to do, what direction I have taken or how many times I have messed up, they have always been there.  Through my darkest periods I have always known that I have had a great group of people to turn to, however, I never felt lucky, in fact I thought I must have been one of the most unlucky people walking on this planet, I was one of those people that believed if something bad was going to happen, it was going to happen to me.  I was an unintentional mood zapper, I knew people around me would listen to my problems, so I shared them with them frequently, I talked about this bad thing and that bad thing, I dwelled and lived in the negative past.  What was I doing wrong? My problem was that at the time I confused my true want, which was to be happy, with the false want which was not to be unhappy.  My focus was on the want not to be unhappy so every issue, problem or piece of bad luck was exaggerated. My focus was on the problem, which blinded me, I could not see the route forward, I was facing in the wrong direction.  It's very simple now when I look back, the reason I felt so unlucky was because I was creating bad luck, I worried and stressed bad things into reality, I noticed the negatives much more than the positives as this was where my focus was.  All along I had people around me who loved me, who cared for me and who were prepared to listen, if I had just realised that everything I needed to be happy was already within my reach I could have improved my life so much sooner...  The important thing is that I have realised my error, I have made the changes and now I remind myself to look forward, search for solutions and give my focus to my true want.


The 100 meter sprinter: You will notice as I continue to write my blog, I love to use metaphors, stories that relate to my point, I find them a great way to convey what I am trying to say.  In order to make the above real I would like to tell you the story of the 100 meter sprinters.  Some time ago, there were two 100 meter sprinters standing at the start line waiting to be told to take their places...  The stadium was full as this was the final, the big time, the real deal...  One of the sprinters had his focus fixed on the finish line, he had his goal in sight, he knew exactly where he was going, the other was exhausted from the previous heats, he was feeling the strain, however he had been the favourite to win throughout the tournament...  The starter called them to their blocks, they took position and the race began, the first runner was slow out of the block and had to follow on the tail of the second, who had shot out of the block like a bullet, it seemed that everyone was right, it looked like the second runner was going to win the race, as he sprinted with all his might down the 100 meter track, however, as I said he was tired and unlike the other runner he was not focused on the goal, about 90 meters down the track he turned to see where the other runner was, he took his eye off the finish line and with that he tripped and fell, he got up as quickly as he could but it was too late, the other runner had sprinted past and had crossed the finish line...  He did not give up, but had twisted his ankle and slowly made his was to the finish line, the last 10 meters seemed like forever and by the time he reached the goal he was in pain and physically exhausted.  To me this is a clear indication that focusing on the problem leads to more problems, had the second runner remained focused, kept his eye on the finish line and kept his pace for the last 10 meters he would have taken home the gold.  It's simple, if you can see the goal, if it's clear, then there is no need to turn around and look at the problem, you know it's there, so why focus on it?  


Your 100 meter race: Throughout life we are all runners in our own 100 meter races, sprinting (or crawling) towards the finish line, but have you noticed that the people that stay focused, keep an eye on where they are going, seem to be the ones that achieve with ease, whereas those that move towards the goal with their sights fixed on the problem, seem to take longer, work harder, suffer exhaustion and lack in motivation.  As and when you come to your next challenge check which way you are looking, if you are facing the wrong direction, turn around...  It may not be a simple path you need to follow but at least you will be able to see the obstacles that stand before you, at least you can change your course if need be.  It also feels a lot better to think about where it is we are going, than it does to think about the problem we are moving away from.


Spread the word: A sad but true fact is that we are surrounded by people that focus on problems, we see it daily in our personal and working lives.  At work we hear people talking about how bad something is, how they don't like what they are doing and how nothing is going right.  At home when we have arguments with our loved ones, it's very often based around what they or you have done wrong, how you or they have upset the other and how bad you have made each other feel.  How can this be changed? The easy answer is STOP IT, the longer answer is change the discussions, start talking about what it is you want, encourage others to talk about what they want.  In the personal environment just think about how much happier your relationships would be if you actually offended each other less, imagine what it would be like to talk about what you do want, rather than what you don't.  Now I know that when others are involved, making the change from problem focused to solution/goal focused is less easy but believe me in time you will notice the difference.  Next time your partner, son, daughter etc upset you, think about what you would like them to have done instead and approach the conversation with the solution in mind. 


Thank you again for taking the time to read my post, I hope you have taken something away from my experiences... Feel free to leave a comment, I love hearing what people think.


Finally before I say goodbye I want to share this video, you may have seen it but I find it hugely inspirational...  A man who could have focused on his lack of confidence but didn't... He saw the goal and went for it.